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How to be single

How to be single

Postby peterparker123 » Mon Jun 04, 2018 11:34 am

One of the things I get DM’d/emailed/asked about the most is about life as a single gal in New York. I frequently get some version of this: “You’re so inspiring! I love how you show us it’s possible not to need a guy!” or something like that.

I don’t always know how to respond.

First of all, that’s super nice but I don’t find myself to be inspiring. Maybe that’s because I see myself in sweatpants/without makeup/with matted hair after watching 5 hours of Stranger Things. Maybe that’s normal – if you find yourself to be inspiring, you might have a problem? But also, the reality is that it’s not always easy. And I never planned on being this role model for single women… of course I’d like to be in a relationship! But, I also know I have a pretty great life and I don’t want to settle. And also: If there is anything I hate then it’s being thought of as sad or worthy of pity, so if I’m having a pity party I typically keep those negative thoughts to myself. There is nothing worse than hearing “Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone!” Ew, gross. I know I will. The in between part is just a bit annoying and hard.

Second, I keep my dating/personal life off the blog for a reason. Everyone is different, and a lot of bloggers work with their significant others on their blogs (something I really respect), but that’s not for me. When I get engaged or married, you’ll hear about that, but until then… it’s just off limits. A relationship is sacred and I also really like keeping work and personal life a little bit separate. If something pertains to just me, I’m an open book… I’ll tell you basically anything. But when it involves other people, it gets murky. For the same reason, I don’t really put my (non-blogger) friends on my social platforms either – we typically keep our phones out of site when we are hanging out and I am good with that.

I suspect meeting the right person just gets harder as you get older. I am 36 now and besides the fact that the pool is much more narrow, you have all these other factors. First of all, everyone has more emotional baggage at this age. When you are single in your mid-thirties, the chances are very likely that you’ve been in something serious that didn’t end well, so you’re a lot more cautious. You also have a stronger sense of who you are and a better idea of what you’re looking for. So basically, you’ve narrowed the pool, you’re more scared, AND your standards are higher. Lovely! It’s pretty much a recipe for dying alone. (I’m kidding, but really!)

Oh and also, while I still have you as a (hopefully) captive audience! This part is for everyone: Ever DO NOT ASK SOMEONE WHY THEY ARE SINGLE!! I feel very passionately about this.
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